You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
