i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
