Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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