I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
