You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
