Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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