I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
