I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
