I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
