Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
