when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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