I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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