I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
