Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
