Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
