even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
