very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
