you guys were way drunker than both of me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
