If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
