Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
