pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
