i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
