and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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