New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
