I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
