I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
