oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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