I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
