dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
