I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
