I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
