I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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