One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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