a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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