This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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