so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
