dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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