I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
