How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
