also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
