He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
