I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
