Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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