North Korea, Best Korea!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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