That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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