I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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