I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
