by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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