while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
