one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
