It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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